Sunday, October 2, 2011

A long winded post....I wonder whatever happened to the real me? Where did I go and why? Will I become a hermit?

I love this little fella!!!

I have been thinking lately of how I am not true to the real me!
Why I live with  a stilted personality now.

  •  Firstly, I  love good parenting.

  • I appreciate clever repartee. 
  • I love witty people.
  • I love intelligent people. 
  • I love creative people.
  • I love people who "do" things.  
  • I love people who follow their dream. 
  • I love elegant people.
  • I love hippies.
  • I love people who want to save the children/world.
  • I love gardeners.
  • I love compassionate/kind people.
  • I love travellers.
  • I love the broad minded.
  • I love people who actually listen,  not monopolising the conversation.
  • I love non- smokers.
  • I love planners.
  • I love lateral thinkers.
  • I love 'clean' people.
  • I love responsible pet owners.
  • I love generous people.  People who give without any expectations of return.
  • I love people who are succinct in their conversation.  No waffling!
  • I love respectful people.

Now...      out of all that list and that is not complete,  there should be people in my neighbourhood who have at least 2 or 3 of those attributes.

NOT SO!!!!

I have a great sense of humour but am not giggly stupid.
I am a good listener... No.. really!
I do not prattle on about where I've been or what I've done or can do.
I do not waffle about my weird ideas either.

The rest... well... not so good.   I do what I can.     I am generous.   I'm good at planning.
I'm respectful, etc,etc.

Is it because I'm getting old and not so tolerant or is it because there really aren't any like minded people in my neck of the woods?     Plus, I couldn't be bothered.   Now that I have the Ross River virus,  life is pretty hard and to go out or entertain in my home is a chore.

There is a saying around  that people from this area are born with two heads.
They get one cut off but it is the one with the brains and they keep the better looking head ......

Just sayin' is all!!!!

I think/know  my stilted personality began as a child.  I didn't really have a voice.

  I am the second eldest.   My brother is 2 years older and was the male golden child.    Not so much my father but from my mother.
  In fact males  [2]  rule with us girls  [4]   coming a very poor second.    My brother used to tease me/torment me such a lot.   I would eventually retaliate after getting no help from the parents.
Then I was the one who got the belting, not the brother.   I remember having bruises on my bottom when I was five.from being hit with a rolled up thick magazine.   Not little ones either!    All because I threw a wooden scrubbing brush at him after he had teased me for ages, threatening to burn me with hot lead. Mum and Dad were making fishing sinkers with molten lead.   Just one example.

My mother used to tell friends and family that I had a terrible temper until it got belted out of me!

Her words,,,, not mine.
It was a lonely road

I loved reading but my  mother absolutely hated me reading.   If you read, you were lazy and any reading took time away from doing housework and the outside chores.  It was my job to polish this large lounge room covered in the old fashioned linoleum. lino.  It got mopped first, allowed to dry then Johnsons Wax rubbed all over,  down on your knees and then it all had to be polished off to a high shine.

Now I thought that I could get some reading in with out getting roused on while doing the work.
I tied lots of polishing rags on my feet and danced and danced around the room while reading!
My mother did not like it one bit but what could she do???  I was getting the floors shined!

I would hide under the citrus fruit trees that hung low to the ground to read.  It is only in the last five years that she has finally come to terms that if you don't read, you can't learn.   I really regret the loss of all those reading years and what more I would have learnt had I been allowed.

So...  naturally one is going to close down and try to keep a low profile.

Then I married a dickhead wanker!  So no use talking to him. Anything he was not familiar with was 'stupid'.  After exactly 20 years I ran away from  home and met  a lovely man I was with for 3 years but really only for the great sex!   He was a kind man with no desire to really go outside his square.

  My loving partner now just does not like talking  about anything that does not interest him!!!   He is physically present but not mentally and I'm flat out getting a response from him besides a yes or no.  Talk about what he likes and he's a  long winded bore.  He says it's because he doesn't know anything of what I would like to talk about.  I say.... learn!!!!    Make a friggin' effort.

Of course, when we first fell in love it was different!!!     Every word that fell from my tender lips was spell binding.

I am seriously considering retreating from the world and becoming a recluse/hermit.
  By the way... what is the difference?

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